Four empty shot glasses line the center of our table. The tri-fold paper menus sit placidly in between the salt and peppershakers. Deceased lime wedges rest on a plate. Tequila. Her name is Lynda. With a Y. She talks fast – somewhere between auctioneer and coke habit. She destroyed a Reuben sandwich in the blink of an eye. She works out every morning at five. She’s been in news for eight years, on camera for six. We’ve been at the table for thirty minutes. I set the recorder on the table.
“It’s all reactionary,” she says, laughing. “I mean it, I really do. You’re looking at me with one of those ‘she can’t actually be saying that’ faces, but I’m telling you that it’s reactionary. We probably do two, maybe three investigative pieces a year.” She holds her hands up high. “That’s it.”
“Look,” she says, “the fact of the matter is that Huxley was right. Not Orwell.”
“You’re a fan of Huxley?” I say.
“Duh,” she says. She presses her thumbs into her temples. “Have you read Neil Postman’s book?”
“No,” I say. “I must have missed that one.”
“Amusing Ourselves to Death,” she says. “A must read.”
“Do tell.”
“You want the short or the long version?”
“Honestly,” I say, “I want another beer.” She gives me a look of contempt. “Either is fine.”
“Okay, essentially, it posits that the modern consumer, through the consumption of television, can only lead a decontextualized life. Television, here, being our ultimate form of communication. So, we, us, me and you, and anybody else that grew up with a TV in their face, no longer have the ability to view the larger picture in any type of meaningful way, and, instead, and this is my favorite part here handsome so pay attention, we begin to simply view our lives as a series of arbitrary, distinct events, which are, if nothing else, entertaining, but lack any sort of connection to what came before or what comes after. To put it plainly, the events in our lives have become a series of TV shows, with an average running time of 22 minutes, eight minutes of commercials in between, and they are, in no way shape or form connected to any of the shows that come on before or after, in any meaningful way.”
I sit silently for a minute and take a slug of my beer. There’s a television in the far right corner of the bar. A commercial for Meow Mix is on the screen. The bartender fills a beer and hands it to an old man.
“What do you have some rare disease where you take four shots of tequila and get a fucking Ph.D.?”
“I’m smart,” she says. “Studied philosophy at Stanford.”
Love may just be thy name Lynda, I say to myself, with a Y.
“So, what?,” I say.
“So-o, we no longer care what it is so long as it entertains. But even if it entertains and is informative, we can no longer truly place the information in the appropriate context. So everything is entertainment, the byproduct of which is that the rational mind no longer exists in any meaningful manner.”
“Essentially, we’re fucked.”
“You’re a real romantic, huh?” she says.
“You’re making fun of me?”
“Listen you started the conversation, you ordered the first round of shots, you forgot to put your tape recorder on the table for the first ten minutes, so don’t get sensitive when you discover that you aren’t as smart as me.”
She winks. My heart melts and flows down the channels of my chest into the pit of my stomach.
“The idea that we now consume media and seek to be entertained as the ultimate goal in life, or our ultimate purpose, was what Huxley posited as the cause that lead to the destruction of western civilization.”
“So even if the news is informative and honest and real, it doesn’t really matter.”
“Right, because most of us have already long lost the capacity to take in that information in any meaningful way, deconstruct it, add it to a more meaningful narrative and see the bigger picture. Essentially…”
“We’re idiots.”
“Completely. And with the 24-hour news cycle, there’s just noise, constant noise, and people watch and watch and watch, and they have trouble filtering out the great, all-encompassing noise of various forms of entertainment. So when they speak, they sound like, like a,” Lynda says, trailing off and then laughing.
“What’s that talking bird?”
“Tucan Sam?”
“No, not the fruit loop bird I mean the one that actually talks.”
Our shots arrive. It’s only noon. “A parrot?”
“Yes yes. They’re just like little parrots.”
We knock back the shots. I have to take mine in two gulps. I almost vomit, again.
“I’m actually really quite happy that we’re having lunch together,” I tell her, “but this conversation is really getting me down. Want to get naked before we have to go back? The Beast is parked right around the corner.”
People start cheering and clapping. My eyes drift away from the newscaster and back towards the stage. Bill Clinton steps up to the podium.