Rudy Giuliani steps to the microphone and stumbles through one of the funniest, strangest introductions to date on the campaign trail. He sounds like he has a mouth full of cotton, and he almost speaks in non-sequiturs. I manage to catch two bits of Giuliani’s speech. “Don’t trust the media,” he says, speaking about poll numbers, “They’re wrong.” And, “He will be a great president. Donald J. Trump.”
Rudy Giuliani is one of the reasons why I’ve been drinking so much. Thankfully, his introduction lasts about two minutes. If it had gone on any longer, I may have made a run at secret service just to end it all a bit quicker.
A woman named Debbie tells the audience in Tampa that she will happily be added to the basket (of deplorables), because it’s filled with people who care about national security, veterans, lowering taxes, etc. I look over to my left, and four out of eight people are playing on their phones.
A board certified family physician named Dr. Castillo takes the stage in Tampa, and he describes why he is “adamantly” opposed to Obamacare. “It’s a terrible law that was passed on lies and deception,” he says. “We were promised that premiums would decrease by 25%, but in most cases they doubled… It’s more appropriate,” he says, wait for it, wait for it, “To call it the not-so-affordable care act.” Zing! And the crowd goes wild.
The Attorney General of Florida, Pam Bondi, who has some questionable ties to Mr. Trump, takes the stage and opens with, “Make America great again!” She says that she believes in job creation, and for eight years the jobs have been leaving, and then she says, “Eight years is enough.” She believes in stopping ISIS, and for eight years ISIS has been winning, “Eight Years is enough.” She believes in the constitution, and for the past eight years the constitution has been trampled on and, you guessed it, “Eight years is enough.” Guess what she also believes in? She believes in reducing the national debt, securing our borders, fighting for veterans, and the supreme court, and she also believes that Donald Trump and Mike Pence will, “Make America great again.” A question flashes through my mind: who doesn’t want to reduce the debt or support veterans or uphold the constitution?
A slick-looking, bald bastard leads off with, “Who hates the liberal media?” Then he mentions the Democratic Party’s culpability in slavery and Jim Crowe, and after a point in time in which my brain actually experiences a mandatory reset, all of a sudden we’re talking about how, “23 million black children have been aborted,” and, “Donald Trump will defund Planned Parenthood.” The man speaks with the cadence of a pastor. The crowd responds with enthusiasm of a revival.
At one point, the MC of the evening in Tampa steps on stage and says, “People voting for Trump are the most patriotic people in America. When is the last time you heard a crowd spontaneously break out into chants of ‘USA, USA’ at a Democratic rally?” The crowd cheers wildly for itself. I ask myself if this is a good metric for measuring patriotism, and I come to the conclusion that it is, most definitely, not. A statement such as this is, however, one of the dumbest things I have ever heard, and at international or Olympic sporting events I can understand the chant as a sign of patriotism, but at a political rally for one of the two presidential candidates it is nothing more than that self-congratulating, circle-jerk bullshit, in which one political party (and I won’t name who for fear of offending anybody), believes that they are more patriotic than the other political party because of their ability to chant their country’s name –– never mind things like educating yourself, forming your own opinions, and questioning your government.
Football coach Bobby Bowden takes the stage. The crowd applauds louder than they have for anybody this evening, fitting really. “Y’all always were nuts,” coach Bowden says. He speaks of how his wife, daughters, and three of his granddaughters are all voting for Trump. Cheers from the women in the audience ring out. No need mentioning all that stuff about sexual assault in this crowd, folks, this is the guy, and when you like your guy, who cares what the biased, liberal, rigged media have to say about him. Hell, even Bobby Bowden’s granddaughters are voting for Trump! Just more proof that women love the guy.